Personal Transformation Experience

A Conversion Within

For a very long time I always prayed to Swami to make me a worthy instrument. In November 2015, during Swami’s birthday, the prayer got very intense, I was screaming within, begging Swami to use this body of mine. I cried out to him not to allow this mass of flesh be of no purpose and value on earth. 

 

That year, after the birthday celebrations were over, Swami spoke to the youth leaders from all the countries. A sister asked Swami, “Swami please tell us how we can serve you.” Swami replied lovingly, “All your hands are not strong enough. First go and do your own Sadhana, after which I will speak to you directly and instruct you what to do. We will not have to meet in conferences as I will guide you from within.”

 

That message was my biggest gift. I came home and tried very hard to discipline myself so that I could wake up at 4 AM to do my morning prayers. The success rates of that happening were very rare. I was struggling. I prayed even harder. I begged Swami to help me with my Sadhana. I really wanted Him. I really wanted to be of service to Him.

 

In January 2016, I came to Muddenahalli for the sports meet with my family. We had a little prayer in our apartment and I was sitting right in front of the chair for Swami. I had my eyes closed. Within a few minutes with my eyes closed I perceived a voice that asked, “may I speak to you now?” It was a beautiful and pleasant surprise. The voice wasn’t strange to me. I knew I had heard this voice many times. The conversation went on. I just knew it wasn’t my mind hallucinating. The voice was very prompt, loving and compassionate. 

 

Though I always had faith in my inner voice, Swami on many occasions during Darshans in Muddenahalli or Singapore, lovingly proved that the promptings were His. Ever since, these conversations have become my dearest friend. My closest and constant friend. I have never felt alone or weak since. No matter what challenge I faced at work or in my life, I am always comforted and even made to understand why the challenge had to happen. And in all occasions, regardless of what the situation was, I was always prompted to send love to the other. 

 

My journey of transformation has only been glorified by these daily experiences and conversations with my Master. In September this year, I was prompted to write down these conversations. I had intended to title it, “A Conversation Within”. At the end of September, I decided to print these conversations and offer them to Swami during Navarathri prayers in Muddenahalli. Just as I was about to send the document for printing, I had noticed an error on the intended title which now read as “A Conversion Within”. This tickled me, but only soon to realise the profound meaning behind the “error”. As I reflected back on my journey over the month of writing down these conversations, I realised the conversion that was taking place within. This continuous conversion was necessary for me to serve Him better.

It started with an intense prayer and faith in Swami and today I bask in his constant company through my journey of transformation. A journey made beautiful only because of His company. 

 

I love you Swami. I pray that all my brothers and sisters will also enjoy your loving company through their journey of transformation.

Shaminian Balakrishnan

Region One

Singapore