Personal Transformation Experience
Faith and Willpower
I would like to share my transformation experience, but I am not really sure what transformation is. I suppose, to talk about my personal transformation, I have to analyse myself and understand the difference between how I was and how I am. I think it was Swami who started the process within me.
I was 13 the first time my mom told me about Swami and from what I can remember, I have always believed in Him being the Avatar and in the stories about the work He was doing. However, being a young teenager, I was not really listening to what my mom was telling me about Him, I had no desire to hear about it all.
It took many years before something started to change. In April 2015, Swami came to Italy for the Divine Visit in His Subtle Form. I was then a newcomer and I did not know well what they were talking about or understand much about it. There was, however, one thing that happened I will never forget; at the end of the visit, Swami told us He will be waiting for us in India to join the celebrations of His 90th birthday. Until that moment I had never even considered the possibility of going to India, but since Swami Himself had invited us, I knew I had to go. I still remember the astonished look on my mom's face when she realised that her usually disinterested daughter would willingly and gladly take that trip.
I usually plan out every detail for trips abroad, but for India I felt no such drive. I started getting ready for my trip and I let things happen how they would, without worries. Swami was already taking care of everything. I still remember that first journey and all the emotions that accompanied me. I was new at this, new at the whole "Sai devotee" thing, and I felt completely inexperienced and still not fully aware of all that was happening around me. Day after day I would see other devotees overwhelmed by tears during Darshan, while I was still figuring out what was going on and I arrived to think there was something wrong if I could not feel like the others around me. Why was I the only one not feeling anything? I could not answer. I decided to be patient and give myself some time to understand and to get used to this new world and how I felt. Upon my return home after that first visit to Swami, I noticed some changes in my behavior and in the way I dealt with everyday problems. At that time I was volunteering in a hospital and my work presented many difficult moments. I noticed a change in how I reacted in those moments that challenged me, because I was more calm. My co-workers noticed the change as well and had made severals remarks about it. I had a different approach to the world, a more positive outlook than before, trying to make the most of every situation.
Today, I am trying to think of new ways to change myself intentionally, to intelligently and open-heartedly use the strength of my willpower and faith in Swami to understand myself better, to bring out the best in my character and live. Swami's teachings and discourses are a source of inspiration, motivation and wisdom that light my way. I only ask of Swami to keep an eye on me and guide me on my journey of transformation.
Region 3, Italy