Personal Transformation Experience
My Journey as a Guest in This Life
This presentation is made possible thanks to Swami’s boundless grace;
I offer my love and gratitude to ‘yesterday’ which brought me up until today. What I would like to share with you is like a brief summary of my last 3 years in my journey of transformation. It was the 6th year of my joining to the Selfless Seva Trust, when our spiritual mentor Kaya called me to him one fine day. A great festival was being organized for Swami’s 92nd Birthday. He told me I was being invited along with other musicians.
That day, I felt my elated soul detached itself from my body so strongly for the very first time. As we were making preparations for the Muddenahalli trip, I was starting to feel from within the answers to some of my questions. These answers were starting to fall into place. After the divine trip, I started visiting the Selfless Seva Trust more often. Earlier I would bring up some work and not visit the Trust regularly. As I attended Satsangs and Bhajans, spiritual practices started to take routine in my life.
As a person who has always been interested in healing, I was feeling that I was receiving healing and that a purification had started. After the youth meet was held in April in Assisi, Italy, we also started to gather once a month as youth. The profession I was given in this life was music and becoming a teacher through music. When I went through bad times, I had several questions about my profession. While people would generally see music for enjoyment and entertainment, I could not see music and especially becoming a teacher of it as a profession. This was making me feel inadequate in this material world. What people did to climb all the ladders and all the things they acquired, I had no interest. Yet, the developments in my life were taking shape very easily considering myself and the family structure I come from. While singing Bhajans, and especially chanting the AUM mantra, my real story began. I was continuously vibrating. It was during these times that I started to have the realization that my body did not consist only of gross matter. In some letters of the AUM my head area, in some letters my chest and in some letters the diaphragm area; I could literally hear the voice of my organs as I was observing myself. Each of them was vibrating and breathing. This is how I discovered that all beings were breathing chanting the SOHAM. There were moments I was getting tired as if I had exercised, but my body and my consciousness was opening up. I was constantly in a feeling of expansion. Bhajan practices, study circles and youth meets became the center of my life within a year. For each value I learned, the first area of practice was myself, then the students at the academy, then their parents and every single being who came to me. The being who came was sometimes a cat, sometimes a mosquito, and sometimes it was in the form of a human, but at the same time, each one of them was Swami. Swami was speaking to me through everyone and everything.
Last year, I was outside when I was being called persistently for an interview. A mother of a student wanted to talk to me urgently. They were leaving back to England the next day. Normally, a student would fill a form before they attend to a trial class, but in this case, there was no such time. We had no information on the child who was asking me for a trial. After having an urgent meeting with our assistant, I immediately returned to the school. I quickly went to the bathroom. As I was washing my hands, I looked at the mirror and the words, “Swami, I don’t know who these people are. Let Thy Will be done. Please You talk through me,” poured out of me.
A mother with a beautiful 11-year-old girl turned up. As the trial classes progressed, I learned that the child had advanced level of autism, but in my eyes she was Swami. I was encountering such a soul for the first time and there was nothing I could do cognitively. The only thing I could do during the meeting was to open my heart and pour my love to her.
With all my sincerity, I told the mother that I had never worked with an autistic student or child who had a different awareness. The mother trusted me and I entrusted myself first to Swami and then to the girl. An unbelievable dialogue happened between us. She even played the piano and sang a song to me. We parted embracing each other and gave them the required report conveying her eligibility for music. At the end of the day, I started to talk to Swami inwardly. We were able to help this child only through intuition and Swami’s help. As I was researching what I could have done to approach this case more consciously, I saw that the Ministry of Health had started a music therapy training. I immediately applied to it. After a week, I learned that I was accepted to the program, and after a month, I started training. As a member of a healers family, healing has always interested me. When healing was combined with music, answers to the dilemmas about my profession started to come. Healing was the balance of soul, body and mind. Swami was showing me that I could do this through music. Last year in April, while my friends were going to Assisi, Italy, I was having my final exams. Before April came to an end, my friend Taya told me that the healing team Swami chose for the Sai Clinic would have a training and then start to work at the Clinic. I was walking on clouds yet I was not surprised. Even though I was not waiting for it to happen so early, I had full faith that there was a meaning in Swami bringing music therapy training in front of me. Along with Bhajans, when regular healing sessions got included in my life, I became more aware that there was no such thing as ‘I’. Almost 6 months has passed. Especially within these 6 months, I faced so many aspects of myself and as I keep facing them I keep getting surprised. I observe the change within me with each response I give to every single situation I face. With each situation, I meet another aspect of mine. I meet a new Dilek. I feel like cabbage leaves, finding layers and layers of new aspects about myself. I feel like I am getting to know new parts of myself. Yet unlike the past, I don’t feel lonely and weak, but strong within Swami. If I experience any hesitation or a problem, I am at the feet of Swami. When I experience immense joy, I feel as if Swami from within me is happy and my soul overcomes with joy. As I try to continue to just flow, my journey as a guest in this life continues.
Three years ago, with Kaya’s speech, Swami attracted me to His orbit like a great Magnet. Ever since that day, I am a drop of water trying to flow wherever He directs me. He is the World and I feel like the moon following Him in His orbit.
Region 3, Turkey