Personal Transformation Experience
A Work in Progress
Until December 2015, externally everything seemed right, I seemed to have a perfect life, a perfect career, a perfect family and many friends around. Still, there was always something missing.
For years together, an internal war was going on for which I couldn’t find a reason, let alone a solution to end the war. All through, Bhagawan was trying His best to help but I always rejected HIM :). From 2011 - 2015, Bhagawan had already started slowly transforming our family. Friday night mall visits were replaced with Bhajan and Satsangs. Weekend parties were replaced with Seva activities. All that would run on the home television was related to Bhagawan, it was pretty much mute otherwise. Much Seva was happening outside, but the war inside still kept going. Little did I know He was preparing us to be students of HIS university!
In 2015, my husband was talking to brother Bobby a lot. This new concept of Bhagawan was intriguing to me and as usual, I rejected it! But there was one thing that caught my attention. This time Bhagawan’s carrot to his rabbit devotee was “One World One Sai”. I was hooked the moment I heard it from brother Bobby. I got involved almost instantly, but within me there was STILL a lot of chatter and conflicting thoughts. Through my involvement in the project, I realised that we were working on a beautiful mission of Bhagawan’s. I was beginning to understand in my heart that only Bhagawan and no one else could have conceived of this. For, HE is the universal mother and through this project He was going to continue to touch lives of his children by transforming them. As for my individual transformation, it had begun in FULL FORCE when I joined the team to serve Him. I was unaware of the fact that this ride was going to be a bumpy one, but when the driver was Bhagawan what did I have to worry about?
A few months into “One world One Sai”, in the June 2016, I had a significant Baba dream. In that dream, I watched Bhagawan as I was waiting for Him to bless me. He had a naughty smile on His face and asked someone beside Him if He could give me a “Promotion”. He then gave me something to drink. In August, when I was driving to work, I was as usual conversing to Bhagawan and I saw a car pass by. The car had the following number plate “VI51TME”. It was like Bhagawan was telling “Visit Me”. I thought to myself, where am I going to visit Bhagawan, leaving this chaotic life of work and family? Over the next few weeks, I rejoiced expecting to be promoted at work as He hinted in the dream. I had been performing really well at that time. Little did I know Bhagawan had his own way of “Promoting” me. Two months post that dream, in August, I was told that my company was going to let go of me.
How classic of Bhagawan. I was puzzled as to what the dream was all about. In the upcoming weeks there was a series of rejections in life. Profession, personal, relationships, everything was falling apart and all I wanted to do was go down to Muddenahalli and meet Bhagawan. I didn’t plan a trip, but when the heart yearns for him, Bhagawan comes running to the devotee. In November one and half weeks before the Youth Meet, Brother Bobby called me to tell about a dream inspiring a desire in me to come to the Youth Meet that year. Life was chaotic until that time, but all of a sudden everything fell in order! Suddenly, I was free of all obligations surrounding me and I booked the tickets and flew to India to be part of the Youth Meet in 2016.
Landing in Muddenahalli was magical. A week before, I didn’t know I would be there. The place resonated with Bhagawan’s energy. Something so positive, so loving that I could feel it was touching my innermost being. It was as though every thought one thinks there, would become a reality, almost instantly. My experiences at Muddenahalli itself would be another article long. We had beautiful Darshans of Bhagawan, multiple personal interviews with Bhagawan, lovingly guiding us through the next steps in our projects. We even got an opportunity to speak on stage in the presence of the Lord and the most inspiring elders as Bhagawan launched “One World One Sai”. This was beyond what I had expected. More importantly, I got HIS energy to carry back and the memory of re-assuring words which will be my aid in upcoming months of further struggle.
Post Muddenahalli trip, when still in India, I had another significant dream. This time it was not Bhagawan, but some angel like being that came and kept repeating the word “Mariposa”.
I didn’t know what that meant in the dream but later came to find out that this is the Spanish word for “butterfly” and in spiritual terms, butterfly stood for ‘transformation’. Bhagawan, continued to chisel and sculpt after the trip. Sometimes through situations, other times through people. Towards the end of 2017, the chiselling and sculpting process seemed very daunting, but throughout the process I could clearly feel His presence, guiding, calming, loving, encouraging and caring. In His own way, He guided me to increase the momentum of Seva that our family had been doing. From weekend Seva activities, it became daily Seva activity. Every single day we started to incorporate Seva into our lives, in one way or another. We served meals to the homeless, both elders and youth. We started to help our own brothers and sisters in every way possible. Every single day, we started to incorporate the concept of ‘ceiling on desires’ in our lives. I did this by not by restricting myself, but by aligning my desires to Bhagawan’s vision. When I started to do this, more and more surreal experiences were felt and Bhagawan started to guide me more through dreams and through inspiration. This was the true beginning of another “transformation” which I tie back to the dream of the “mariposa” :).
By the beginning of 2018, I started to experience immense love for no reason, which still persists. I have come past many conflicts within and the evidence of that were the way I would react/respond in a given situation. I became my own observer. I know this is only the beginning, I am still a work in progress. I am grateful to Bhagawan for all the experiences and people and situations that I have been through for all these years and being ever patient with me while I continue to learn. The war is not over yet, but at least I feel I am armed with Bhagawan’s weapon to face it. The weapon of LOVE.
Region 4, USA